I didn’t find I needed to spend much time on the To my daughter when it’s too hard to look back and you’re too afraid to look ahead shirt behavior involved–took care of itself apart from safety and some advice on formal behavior; those took some drilling. It was the cues that were the key, and that’s really what you want to convey to your kids anyway how to act appropriately for the setting and what is going on around them. There is also mental abuse as well because they’ll constantly put their child down while reminding them that they’re helpless. In this state, you will never even try to reach out for help; you’ll always feel like you have to come back to your parents because your self-esteem is low and so shoddy. You feel like the whole world is against you. The truth of the matter is that there are people in the world who would be happy to help you and who would love you more than your parents could, but narcissistic parents do not want you to know that, because that means you will leave them and then they have no one to abuse and they lose a source of supply.
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It is not fair to To my daughter when it’s too hard to look back and you’re too afraid to look ahead shirt keep on popping out children with the expectation that the older ones will help out. They were not involved in the decision-making process to have another child whatsoever, so they shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of that decision. Children should be able to BE children when they are young. They shouldn’t have to take on adult responsibilities like child-rearing unless they make that decision themselves one day.
The effects of delegating child-rearing to the older kids are nearly always negative, in my experience. Children, obviously, require a lot of patience, so this is not a good combination. Less-than-stellar parents may even come to resent their children for making them have to work so hard, which is even worse for the children to have to deal with. In very large families, it is common for older kids to take care of the younger ones. I know a lot of people who actually list this as a benefit of having a large family. They think it is good because it teaches responsibility at a young age.